


You're All I Knead

by lethallen



Series: What Baking Can Do [3]
Category: Dear Evan Hansen - Pasek & Paul/Levenson
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-03-17
Updated: 2019-03-17
Packaged: 2019-11-21 04:07:28
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,362
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18137054
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/lethallen/pseuds/lethallen
Summary: Evan and Connor have their first date. It's not as disastrous as either of them expected.





	You're All I Knead

**Author's Note:**

> Back by popular demand. Hope it was worth the wait!

When Connor showed up to Evan’s apartment, flowers in hand, he came to the realization that he hadn’t been on a date in over a year. Not since his last relationship had gone up in flames, burning him to a crisp in the process.

Most signs pointed to the fact that he really shouldn’t be nervous, considering he’d already found that he and Evan had loads to talk about, which was the biggest hurdle for most first dates. And, besides that, it was hard to feel nervous around Evan when the other man’s nervousness often overtook his. It was easier to forget his own discomfort when he was busy calming the other man down. 

This inner monologue was why it took him about three minutes to actually convince himself it was okay to knock on the door. He looked good, but not too good, like he’d made something of an effort but kept it casual. It was enough to give him a tad more confidence when Evan opened the door. Or, should he say, until Evan opened the door.

He’d abandoned the polo. Instead, he was wearing a dark blue sweater that complimented his eyes. He hadn’t shaved since Connor had seen him earlier in the week and, as a result, he was sporting a bit of scruff. His expression was still nervous, but he was smiling, and Connor was extremely distressed to note that, while he was still unbearably cute, he was also now unbearably hot.

Oh, this did not bode well for Connor’s sanity.

“Uh, hi,” Connor said, realizing he’d been standing there gaping for longer than comfortable. He gave Evan an awkward but genuine grin before remembering he was holding flowers. “Oh, um, these are for you.”

Evan took them gingerly, as though they would break, his expression suggesting that he couldn’t quite believe what he was seeing. It was as endearing as it was heartbreaking; this gorgeous, sweet man deserved nothing but flowers and compliments. “Thank you. That’s… wow. Nobody’s ever gotten me flowers before. I mean, my mom has, once, I think, but I--” He cut himself off, giving a rueful shake of his head. “They’re great. Thank you. Come in?”

Connor did and decided immediately upon entering that he loved Evan’s apartment. It was cozy, personal, warm. He could almost see himself curled up on the couch with Evan, listening to music, watching movies, drinking wine. It was a nice thought.

“Cute place. And it smells great in here,” he said, turning to Evan as the other man closed the door. He looked fidgety, nervous, and it reminded Connor of what he was thinking before. About how Evan’s nervousness eased some of his; he cared about helping more than he cared about looking cool. “What are you making?”

“Apple crisp. You said it was your favorite.”

Connor was startled and touched that Evan remembered, and a smile appeared on his face. “It is. Thanks.”

Evan said nothing (very unusual for him) and refused to look at him as he went about putting the flowers in a vase on the table. It was worrisome. “How was work today?” Connor tried.

“Fine.” He still refused to look at Connor, which made it very hard to read his expression.

“Evan,” Connor said, voice gentle. He reached out and took Evan’s hand, and Evan let him, though he still looked distant. “C’mon. What’s wrong?”

There was silence, but he could see Evan slowly getting closer, like they were attached by a gravitational pull. It made Connor a bit more confident that he wasn’t doing the wrong thing.

“I’m nervous,” Evan said after a while, once he was so close that Connor’s arm wasn’t stretching out to hold his hand anymore. “And when I get nervous, I say things. Stupid things. This is why I was scared for our date. It’s easier to filter myself over text, but this is hard. What if I say something that makes you second guess this? Us? I just say the stupidest things, people get so frustrated with me because I just don’t know how to shut up.” He looked so angry at himself, and it broke Connor’s heart. The fact that he was worried about this, that he’d clearly been thinking about this, made Connor worry that he hadn’t been clear enough.

“You won’t, Evan,” he said, but the man didn’t look convinced. Not in the slightest.

Something had to be done to get this dark cloud out from over Evan’s head. Reaching into his pocket, he pulled out his phone and opened Spotify. “You have a speaker with an aux cord?”

Evan looked startled, but he nodded, gesturing to the speakers that sat on an entertainment center between two bookshelves. Connor let go of Evan’s hand to go plug in his phone and pressing play. After setting the phone down, he offered Evan his hand again. “Listen to the words. And dance with me. Don’t say you’re bad, either; I’m worse.”

If anything, Evan looked more confused than ever, but he did as he was told, taking Connor’s hand and moving close. They swayed together, in the dim light of the lamps Evan had on, and listened.  _ Oh my, oh my. I think that I am falling. _

“This song reminds me of you,” he muttered between verses. Evan’s head was on his shoulder. “I listen to it. When I want to think about you.”

Evan didn’t say anything, but that was okay. They listened to it together, until it quietly faded out, and Evan lifted his head to look at Connor. The expression on his face was indecipherable.

“I like you,” Connor said, so there was no confusion. “A lot. I know about the rambling, and I honestly think it’s endearing. That may be… annoying to hear, because I know it frustrates you, but I just want to say it because I need you to know that I… like you. Just the way you are. Not in spite of anything.”

Then he was being kissed, hard, and he couldn’t recall ever feeling so mushy and romantic. It was different than their first kiss, which had been public and spontaneous and edging on desperate. This one was intimate, insistent. Evan wound his hand into Connor’s hair, shorter than it used to be but still enough to grab, and Connor’s arms wrapped tightly around Evan’s waist. They were so close, and Evan was so warm, and a couple seconds after he grew concerned he might get carried away, Evan pulled back. He looked a little embarrassed, but he was smiling wide. If that smile was a pool, Connor would have been all too happy to drown himself in it.

“You make me feel…” He trailed off, brow furrowing, looking for the right word, and Connor found it unbearably cute. “Secure. For the first time. When I talk to you I feel like you care about what I have to say. About me.”

“I do,” Connor assured him, smiling. “More than I can say. More than is probably smart, if we’re being fucking honest.”

Evan chuckled. “Then we can be stupid together,” he said, eyes lit the same way they often were when he talked about baking.

“Sounds like a marvelous plan.” He leaned in, pressing a quick kiss to Evan’s mouth before pulling away. “So. Dessert for dinner?”

Evan looked sheepish. “I don’t cook. I got us some takeout spaghetti from this place down the street. I was going to plate it to look like I made it, but I didn’t want to raise your expectations too high.”

Connor laughed at that. “I don’t know, my expectations  _ are  _ pretty high, on account of the apple crisp.”

“ _ That  _ will meet your expectations,” Evan said confidently, and Connor was reminded, once again, that he was very hot. Reaching out, Evan tugged on his hand. “Let’s go eat.”

Dinner was where they seemed to hit their stride. They talked about pretty light things, like work and friends and movies they both liked. It was nice, to finally have a full conversation with him in person. There were points when Evan clearly felt he was talking too much, when he would cut himself off and flush, but every time he did, Connor said, “No, what were you going to say?” It seemed to give him more confidence; as they went on, he had to say it less and less.

Once they got to dessert, Connor was very sure that this was the best first date he’d ever been on, if not the best date in general. Evan was funny and sweet and handsome and Connor really couldn’t get enough of him. Plus, he made the best fucking apple crisp Connor had ever tasted.

“This is incredible,” he said, scooping up a bit of ice cream with his next bite. “Careful, keep making this for me and I’ll be forced to propose.”

Evan laughed, turning bright red. “Yes, that’d be terrible,” he replied, but didn’t sound at all like he meant it. Connor grinned in a satisfied way.

When dessert was finished, they moved to the couch, shifting so Evan had his legs in Connor’s lap. They were still chatting away, but things seemed to be heading in a heavier direction. Evan brought up his dad, how he left, how his mom had raised him on her own. The way Evan described it, he’d had a pretty miserable teenage experience. Just as bad as Connor’s. 

“I discovered baking, though. When I was 19. My therapist said I should get a hobby, and it was the first thing I tried, and it stuck. I went to school that fall to study it. Honestly, it… saved me. In a lot of ways. Wish I’d had it during high school.”

There was something sad in his expression that Connor didn’t like, an implication in his words that made him uneasy. It seemed like he didn’t want to be pressed, though, because soon he said, “I bet you were popular in high school.”

Connor let out a snort so violent he felt like a bit of brain was going to fly out of his nose. “No. No, I wasn’t. Not at all, actually. I had zero friends. Everyone hated me.”

Evan’s brow furrowed, confused. “How could anyone hate you?”

“Very easily,” he said, suddenly uncomfortable. “Back then I… Well, I mean, I had a lot of anger problems growing up. I’d break stuff. Throw stuff. Start fights. Everyone was scared of me, but not so scared that they wouldn’t make fun of me constantly. And my family…” He shifted awkwardly where he sat. “I’m not on great terms with my parents. Cynthia’s fine, always felt like she at least cared, but Larry and I, ah, never got along for a minute. He treated me -- still does, really -- like I was the biggest fuck-up he’d ever laid eyes on. And Zoe… God, I was so fucking terrible to her. The fact that she forgave me shows that she’s a much better person than I’ll ever be.”

He chanced a look over at Evan, who was staring at him with a rather sad expression on his face. Anger flared within him at what he perceived as pity, but he forced it down. The last thing he wanted to do was say something mean just because he was feeling insecure. “Dunno what you must think of me, knowing that.”

“I think you’re very strong,” Evan said, without hesitation. Connor looked over at him, startled. “It can’t have been easy, moving on from that. Working on yourself. Repairing your relationship with Zoe. It takes swallowing your pride to do something like that. Hard work, too.”

Connor didn’t know what to say. No one had ever really said something like that to him before, aside from his therapist, who was paid to say shit like that. But he could tell Evan really believed it. And before he knew what he was doing, he was kissing him again.

It took very little time for Connor to end up hovering over Evan on the couch, the other man’s hands in his hair again, the kiss growing more heated with every second that passed. The hand that wasn’t keeping him upright moved to Evan’s thigh, hiking it up over Connor’s hip, and he moved his mouth down over the stubble covered jaw. “I don’t know if I’ve told you this yet,” he muttered, dragging his mouth down over Evan’s throat, “but I think you’re very hot.”

Evan let out a noise that was maybe supposed to be a laugh but didn’t quite manage. “You’re making fun of me.” It sounded a bit like he was fishing, and Connor was more than willing to indulge him.

“I’m not. When I saw you with this stubble, I nearly passed the fuck out.”

Evan let out a pleased hum which turned into a gasp when Connor nipped at his skin. “S-So are you, you know. Hot.”

Connor lifted his head, grinning. “I know.”

Evan rolled his eyes but grinned back, and they were quiet for a moment, both seeming to assess their current position. Things seemed… delicate but sturdy at the same time. 

Connor moved back. “Maybe I should head out. It’s pretty late.”

“Or you could stay.” The words seemed to tumble out of Evan before he could fully realize he was saying them. He flushed. “Not for… that. I mean, I’m not ready for that, but I am ready for you to, ah, cuddle me until we fall asleep.”

Connor’s grin was bright as the sun; he was glad, considering the last thing he’d actually wanted to do was leave. “I’ll cuddle the shit out of you, Evan Hansen. Cuddling is my apple crisp of talents.”

Evan laughed, color fading a bit from his cheeks. “Big talk. Care to prove it?”

Grin widening impossibly further, Connor stood and scooped Evan up, carrying him to the bedroom (though not before taking an accidental detour to the bathroom, but he’d never been in Evan’s apartment before) and trying not to acknowledge the fact that, yes, he was already head over fucking heels for this boy.

**Author's Note:**

> [This](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Q6RA-AQvU6Y) is the song Connor and Evan danced to, if you're interested! Hope you liked this addition to the series. I'm not super engaged with the fandom these days, but people were just so kind about this series that I wanted to continue, if only for them. Thanks for reading, all.


End file.
